


Ruin My Life

by Zibbernaut



Category: Food Fantasy (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, M/M, oh my god they were roommates, salty is exasperated, suki is a big ho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 03:54:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17015202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zibbernaut/pseuds/Zibbernaut
Summary: Salty Tofu and Sukiyaki have been rooming together for ten months, and Suki has had the best of times while Salty has been less enthused. Now, Salty must decide if he will sign to renew the lease, or if he wants to get away from the pest.





	Ruin My Life

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written while listening to 'Ruin My Life' by Zara Larsson. Dedicated to Starry <3

Sukiyaki and Salty were technically not dating. They never had and never would be. Salty had been quite clear on that fact, when anyone asked or even implied differently. He quickly corrected anyone on the street if they so much as looked at the two with a soft, encouraging smile. Because he had standards, and Suki was a disgrace. 

A disgrace, and a manwhore, and honestly a miriad of other horrible things. Basically any insult Salty could come up with could potentially apply to Suki, because he was just a trash person. 

A trash person who had the voice of an angel, and a perfect smile, and eyes that sparkled--

But a trash person nonetheless. And Salty would not budge on this diagnosis. He'd been Sukiyaki's roommate for ten months already, so he was an expert on the other's douchebaggery, and there was no redemption arc strong enough to bring Sukiyaki back up to... well, any respectable person's standards. 

There were a few close calls. Salty would admit that much. At last year's St. Patrick's Day party, when Sukiyaki had been hitting on Sweet, Salty had dragged him into a bedroom to yell at him, and there had been a moment--just one second, when they were breathing each other's air and his heart was hammering, and they'd been so close... But thankfully the window had broken at that point and saved everyone from the implosion that the universe would no doubt reign down upon them if something of that nature were to happen. It was, of course, the only time Salty had been happy to see a small boy crawl in a second-bedroom window without cause. 

It had also been the only time he'd seen such a thing, but that wasn't important. 

And of course there was that time at Halloween, when Sweet had leaked to Suki what character Salty was going as, and Suki had made sure to go as the romantic counterpart--they'd gotten compliments all night as Suki hung off of him and challenged him to drinking contests, and Salty had tried to correct everyone at the beginning of the night and ended up giving up somewhere halfway through. They'd ended up losing beer pong rather spectacularly, and fallen all over each other on their walk back to the apartment. They'd fallen into the same bed when they got home, and there had been another of those moments, less heated but more just... calm and nice, but they hadn't kissed because Salty had passed out before then. And he'd woken up in Suki's bed alone, with an enraging note left on the dresser for him. 

Sukiyaki was an emotional terrorist, and he'd been ruining Salty's life for almost a year. And just that week, Suki had brought up renewing their apartment lease. Salty had laughed in his face, got up and left, and Sukiyaki had hummed along and watched in amusement while he did so. 

Salty wanted out, obviously. Sukiyaki was a danger to his health. He hit on literally anyone that got caught in his peripheral vision, and he was constantly implying really embarrassing things about he and Salty to anyone he spent more than thirty seconds with, and all of Salty's friends thought that Suki was annoying as fuck, because of course they did...

But he hadn't said no. He hadn't said yes, but the lease was on their kitchen table with one signature missing, and he hadn't signed it. But he hadn't thrown it out either. 

If he were Suki-free, Salty's life would also be drama-free. He could go to class well rested because he'd get to bed on time if he didn't have to lecture his roommate about 'borrowing' his covers when they had seperate beds. He'd get his homework done on time if Suki didn't close the books on his fingers every chance he got, whining for attention. Salty would be able to focus in class if he wasn't getting ridiculous text messages about idiotic things like what their children would look like using a face-mashing app. 

But then he'd never slept much anyway, and on cold nights Suki's blanket was actually warmer, it had better insulation. And he was always a procrastinator, so his homework had never been done on time before having a roomate, and he'd learned how to cook because of Suki's incessant whining about delivery being too expensive. And his grades had actually improved just so that he could get into the AP classes and get away from Suki at school. His mother had called him, for the first time in two years, to say she was proud of him and not Sweet for once. 

Sukiyaki was a menace, but Salty liked having him around now. At first, he'd been a constant nuisance, like a dull headache in human form. But as time went on, it was endearing, and they'd somehow become... a unit. 

No one ever asked if Salty was coming to a party alone anymore. They always asked "Are Suki and Salty coming?" If one showed up without the other it was cause for investigation from those gathered, and conversations with one always circled around to talking about the other. 

If at gunpoint, Salty could admit that he liked having Suki around, and he didn't want the idiot going anywhere. But if he signed that lease, then the little fucker would know. And that couldn't happen. 

He'd been trying to think of a convenient excuse to sign the paper. Something handy that he could hide behind, like 'Well I was going to move out but I couldn't find another place', except vacancy in Gloriville was at a record high, and no one would believe that. Their apartment wasn't close to the school, so saying 'I couldn't find a place closer' was not going to work either. 

"Penny for your thoughts?" Sukiyaki's voice interrupted Salty's mental tirade, stealing his attention back to the present. Salty was sitting in a booth at the nearest coffee shop, killing time before going back to the apartment so he wouldn't have to face Suki. Because he didn't know what to say, and hadn't come up with his excuse yet. He'd been avoiding him for three days. 

And now he'd been found.

"Oh go away, you hate this place," Salty barked in response. 

Sukiyaki just smiled, sliding into the chair opposite. He had a cup, but there was only water in it. He hadn't bought anything because all their sweets at the shop were made with dark chocolate and were therefore too bitter for Sukiyaki's tastes--and he didn't like coffee either unless it was at least 90% sugar.

Salty hated that he even knew such details. But Sukiyaki always talked so goddamn much that he eventually had to retain some of it. 

"You look troubled," Suki stated, sipping his water. "Are you almost done avoiding me? We're running out of leftovers." 

Salty scoffed. "That's why you came to find me? So you could bring me back to cook?" 

"Well, and cuddle," Suki said with a grin. 

"Fuck off," Salty muttered back, drinking from his coffee and looking out the window. Suki thought he was so cute when he was saying scandalous shit with his sweet smile, and the last thing Salty wanted was for him to think he was right. So he couldn't look. 

Suki sighed, putting his cup on the table. "If you want to move out and you're worried I can't get someone to replace you, don't worry about that," he said, somewhat dejected. "Sanma is thinking about moving out of his grandparent's house, so like, you do what you want, yeah?" He drummed his fingers on the table. "I can handle it. I know you want out." 

Salty looked back at him, in this rare moment of seriousness that Suki resorted to when he was unsure of himself. When he was trying to make up for his otherwise-bothersome disposition. They weren't as rare as most people tended to assume they were. It was easy to get Suki into a lower gear if you knew how to handle him. 

"It's not that," Salty said, unsure. He didn't know how to follow up his statement without revealing too much. But the thought of someone else in that apartment; the thought of Suki curling up in someone else's blanket, or matching festive outfits with someone else, or even texting someone else really badly photoshopped baby faces... it filled Salty with an anger he didn't know what to do with. 

When he pictured Suki clinging to someone else at a party, or borrowing someone else's clothes for stupid reasons like his bedroom was closer to the bathroom, it just felt wrong. And Salty didn't know how to say all that, not without showing his cards. 

"Then what?" Suki asked, putting his elbow on the table, chin on his hand. He batted his eyelashes, and Salty braced himself for whatever came next. "Do you need me to sweeten the deal? Maybe you're looking for some extra incentives, like-"

"Stop talking, we're in public," Salty scolded. 

"Aw, you're not even curious to know what I'd be willing to offer you?" Sukiyaki bugged, "You'd make an awful businessman." 

"I know what you'd offer," Salty responded evenly. "And you can keep THAT to yourself." 

"Oh, but I'd rather share." 

Salty scoffed. "Yeah, I'm sure you would. Look, I'll sign when I get home, okay? Leave me alone." 

Sukiyaki clapped his hands, standing up. "Magnificent!" he cried. He headed for the door, calling back loudly. "Dirty sex for you tonight~!" So the whole place would hear. 

Salty flipped him off and ducked his head so the other patrons in the coffee shop couldn't see the dark blush on his features. 

His roommate was a terrorist, and Salty was regrettably in love with him.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment if you feel so inclined! DM me with any requests, I'll see what I can do.   
> This fic will likely get another chapter at some point, as I have more ideas.


End file.
